Our world is in trouble. Let’s fix ourselves.
This column was originally published in the Gaston Gazette, 11/14/21.
We have been business friends for two decades. I like to think we are more deeply connected. He is a good person, though our backgrounds and perspectives are vastly different. He does not wear socks.
I try to think of him as a young man, attending synagogue, following family traditions, making lifelong friends, meeting, and marrying the beautiful, good woman who has shared his life. But I only think of him as my friend, a person who means much to me, someone I want to enjoy life and be happy.
In a business note regarding something on which we are working, he ended with, “my father died today.”
I knew his father was very ill. His mother died years ago, and his father had remarried a good person by all accounts. They had lived between Massachusetts and Florida. It was there that his father died. A few days ago he told me they had spoken on the telephone, and he told his father goodbye.
The night before my father died, I sat by his bed in my sister’s home. My mother lay beside him in a similar hospital bed until she died a few weeks before that night. We talked quietly about what had been and what might be in the future.
He said he wanted to write a book for children about the Bible and faith. I told him I would help. He said he was tired. I leaned over the rail of the hospital bed and kissed him on the forehead. “I’ll come see you tomorrow afternoon,” I said.
When my sister called at 6 o’clock the next morning to tell me our father was gone, the pain that shot through my heart was nearly palpable. “I thought he seemed fine last night,” I said.
“I know, but I guess he just didn’t want to live without Mother,” she said as we both wept softly together.
Our world is in trouble. Our country is in trouble. Much of it we can fix. But first we need to fix ourselves. We need to change our attitudes toward one another. There is too much vitriol, too much unkindness, too much selfishness.
My friend and I are polar opposites. He leans toward the left side of his party, the side that thinks the government should do more, spend more, tax more, regulate more. I am not affiliated with any political party, but I think the government should do less, spend less, tax less and regulate less.
That he has these views and I have others does not mean we don’t care for one another. I want what is best for him, his good wife, his children, his extended family, and his community. He wants the same for me. We just think the way to achieve better outcomes is to follow different paths.
We cannot change the world until we change the way we feel about one another. We need to acknowledge that we are all human beings; that we are all God’s children. Our views and beliefs do not change who we are. We all want the same thing — prosperity, safety, clean air and water, equality, opportunity, freedom, good choices for the way we want to live our lives, and good outcomes for people of good will.
I pray every day that God will give me an attitude of kindness and patience. I am willing to acknowledge that I am not always right. I do not have all the answers. I am not even certain I know all the questions. There is so much I cannot influence or do; but the one thing I can control is what is in my heart.
When I die, I hope friends will remember me not for my accomplishments, but for the kindness and patience I offered to everyone with whom I came in contact, whether in business or political discussion or simple interaction on the street.
Life is short and precious. To live as we should means to understand the pain of a friend when he says, “my father died today.” If we all focus on reaching out to those who are hurting or in need; if we all try to understand that we are traveling on this planet together and what we say or do has consequences; perhaps then we can learn to talk to one another with kind and patient hearts.
That’s what I want for my friend, for me and for all of us.
